Rainbow House serves and shelters all survivors of Intimate Partner Violence, regardless of age, religion, or political belief, socioeconomic status, color, ethnicity, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, or gender identification. Do you need help? Just call. 715-735-6656.
LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence Warm Line (414) 856-5428 Survivors or their loved ones can call or text 414-856-LGBT (5428) to receive assistance, referrals, support and safety planning. This is not a 24-hour crisis line, but help will be available Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and is monitored nights and weekends. Rainbow House staff are available 24/7 to answer your call locally at (715) 735-6656.
Please consider these tips for yourself or for anyone you love who may be at risk for violence. And always remember that even if you follow all these tips or don’t follow any tips and violence still happens to you, it is never your fault.
GENERAL TIPS – Going Out
· Trust your gut – If you feel threatened or unsafe, trust your instincts and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.
· Leave a trail – Let someone you trust know your fabulous plans, including if you hook up with someone, where you’re going and how long. If you decide to leave a note, make sure this trusted person knows where you’ve left it.
· Take a buddy – when heading to and leaving your destination or waiting for transportation.
· Look alert – If you don’t have a travel buddy, stay alert, look alert, and stick near other people when walking or waiting for transportation.
· Watch your drink – Or buy your own, just make sure the only person mixing something into it is the bartender.
· Know your limits – If you’re planning on using substances, including alcohol, decide how much and try to stick to it.
· Be aware of surroundings – Locate 24 hour establishments to seek help if you feel unsafe. Move towards a “safer place,” like a more public space if you feel unsafe. ASSERTING YOUR BOUNDARIES
· Your boundaries are beautiful – You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. “No” is a complete sentence!
· Use words – Alert bystanders and frighten (not anger) an assailant.
· Be direct – and assertive in your communication.
· Use body language – to show that you are serious, including eye contact.
· Make a safety plan and let someone else know. Tell at least one person about your plans, such as who you’ll be with, a way to get in touch with the person/people that you are meeting, meeting place, and what you plan to do. Plan in advance what will happen if you feel unsafe, such as where they will meet you and whether you want police called.
· Use your tech. Text yourself or friends about where you’ll be or where you are, the handle the person or persons use on the website or phone app. Include a picture of the person, and save messages when using websites and phone apps.
· Meet in public. Meeting in public allows for greater options for safety. If possible bring friends with you, as they can watch your back and give you their impressions. If the person doesn’t look like the picture, ask them about it. If they don’t have an answer you feel comfortable with, leave.
· Know your limits. If you’re going to use substances, including alcohol, consider deciding ahead of time when and how much you will use.
· Practice safer sex. If you think you may have sex, make it safer sex—bring safer sex supplies and use them. Diverse & Resilient has free safer sex supplies available at our table and can help you safety plan around how to ask your sex partner to engage in safer sex.
· Incidents of hook-up violence can happen in public spaces such as bars, sex/play parties, etc. Let friends, other patrons, or bar/nightclub staff know if you leave temporarily and when you intend to return. When you are outside, scan the street for establishments (such as a restaurant or car service) where you can go to seek help if you feel unsafe. Don’t leave any drinks or your belongings unattended. Discuss your interests and boundaries for sex, including BDSM before engaging.
· Trust your instincts. If you feel threatened or unsafe at any point, if at all possible exit the situation.
· You can say no. No matter who initiates or how far you’ve gone, you can stop at any time for any reason.
Getting support if violence does occur
· It’s not your fault. Nobody has the right to violate your boundaries or commit violence against you, no matter where it happens or how you met.
· Document the incident. Take photos of any injuries; keep records of emails, texts, calls.
· Consider medical attention or counseling after an incident. Violence can have many physical and emotional impacts.
· Call an LGBTQ Anti-Violence Program. The Room to Be Safe Anti-Violence Program and National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs are here to support LGBTQI and HIV-affected survivors of all forms of violence, including hook-up, dating, sexual, intimate partner, hate, and police violence. If you have witnessed or experience violence, contact us at: Contact Kathy Flores through Diverse & Resilient’s Room to Be Safe Anti-Violence Program: roomtobesafe.org or call/text 414-856-LGBT (5428) (resource line, not a hotline) or the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs 24 Hour English/Spanish Hotline at 212-714-1141
· Take care of yourself. Utilize the help of supportive friends, partners and family.
These tips are suggestions for staying safer. If you experience violence it is not your fault, whether you follow these tips or not. The Room to Be Safe Anti-Violence Program and other members of the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP) brought these tips to you.
Room To Be Safe is a statewide initiative designed to educate about healthy and unhealthy relationships in lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities in Wisconsin.
If you want to talk to an LGBTQ anti-violence advocate at Diverse & Resilient who can help connect you to a provider or talk through your situation with you, please call our non-emergency LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence Resource Line at (414) 856-LGBT (5428). This is not a 24-hour hotline. A call will be returned to you within 24 hours on weekdays and varying hours on weekends. You can ask for a phone call or text back.
LGBTQIA Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior one person uses over another to systematically gain and maintain power and control in an intimate relationship.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, people who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual experience intimate partner violence at rates equal to or greater than the general population and initial research shows that up to 50% of people who identify as transgender experience domestic violence over their lifetime.
LGBTQIA intimate partner violence impacts many relationships, families, and communities. Abusers may use some of the following behavior to gain and maintain power and control in an intimate relationship.
- No one deserves to be abused.
- Abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, financial, or psychological.
- Abuse often occurs in cyclic fashion (link to cycle of violence).
- Abuse can be deadly.
- The purpose of the abuse is to maintain control and gain power over one’s partner.
- The abused person may feel isolated, afraid, and convinced that they are at fault.
- The abused person risks the loss of community if they tell.
- If the abused person has children, they risk the loss of children if they tell.
- The incidence rate of partner abuse in LGBT relationships is approximately the same as for non-LGBT people – 25-30% of relationships are abusive.
- Transphobic, sexist, and heterosexist society creates a different context for the abuse, including gender dynamics in the relationship.
If you want to talk to somebody about your relationship, call our 24-Hour Domestic Violence hotline at 715-735-6656.
ALL SERVICES ARE FREE AND CONFIDENTIAL
NEW TEXT LINE: (906) 290-9081
PO Box 1172, Marinette, WI 54143 ~ (800) 956-6656
1530 Main St., Marinette, WI 54143 ~ (715) 735-6656 Fax: (715) 735-7293
1008-B Pecor Street, Oconto, WI 54153 ~ (920) 834-5299 Fax: (920) 834-5330